


pause

by oxidation



Series: stormy weather [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Inspired by Music, M/M, pause by Prateek Kuhad, pt. 2 of cold/mess, songfic kinda, there's a lot of crying but it's ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27696362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oxidation/pseuds/oxidation
Summary: Hongjoong and Seonghwa communicate!loosely inspired by Prateek Kuhad's pause
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: stormy weather [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989643
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





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**Author's Note:**

> pt. 2 of stormy weather! cannot be read on its own.

Hongjoong was on the verge of tears. Head in hands, sat down on the floor. He did not want to cry. Maybe what Seonghwa said had some truth to it, he was too scared to be vulnerable in front of him. His face felt hot, he could not breathe properly. He wanted to hide and wail. His head was imploding, hurting him and preventing him from regaining any ounce of sanity he had left. His throat was tight; his reluctance to cry did not help. His heart was beating rapidly right under his skin as if trying to escape. He was seconds away from passing out and hitting his head on the floor. It was pathetic. Seonghwa froze for a few seconds and then moved closer to Hongjoong to embrace him tenderly.

Hongjoong chose not to look up at Seonghwa’s face and he hid in his chest instead. He cried his heart out. Not much time had passed and yet, it seemed he had spent eternities being held by him. His loud yawping turned into small soundless whimpers, his raging tears into a mere drizzle. He took a deep breath and found the courage to look up. He was dizzy but the sight in front of him was sobering. Seonghwa’s face was indiscernible. It was blurry through his tears and it made Hongjoong regret everything he had said and done. Seonghwa extended his hand to wipe away the riverine trailing down Hongjoong’s face. _He’s so other-worldly even when he’s bawling his eyes out._ Hongjoong broke into a smile when Seonghwa touched his face. Seonghwa moved closer to kiss Hongjoong’s tear stains and whispered in his ear, “I’m sorry.”

He rested his head on Hongjoong’s shoulder. Hongjoong was taken aback but he let himself be held tight and clung onto. He whispered quietly in Seonghwa’s ear, “I’m sorry too. I...I love you.”

They did not move until Hongjoong decided to pull away. They were tired and drained by the exchange. They felt stuck in this piece of time, where no one knew who they were or acknowledged their presence. Seonghwa pulled him closer once again, this time holding his hand, staring at his countenance, wanting to kiss him but keeping the distance. Hongjoong did not realize it but he shared the same feeling. He was restless and reckless and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. They began to bleed as Hongjoong kissed him more passionately. The initial saltiness from his tears was replaced by the metallic taste of his blood. He couldn’t care less about it but Seonghwa was embarrassed and pulled away. He wiped the blood off of his and Hongjoong’s lips. Hongjoong stared at him. Seonghwa tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear.

“You’re wrong you know?” Seonghwa said with a small smile.

“What about?”

“We’re a mess, it’s not just you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Seonghwa became duller.

“Can I explain myself?”

Seonghwa nodded.

“I’m scared.”

“Of?”

“Being with you, holding your hand, that kind of thing.”

“Are you ashamed of being with me?”

“What? No! It’s like the time we went to the park and that old lady told us that she’s ‘okay with us but we shouldn’t do it in front of the children’ thing?”

“Hongjoong, I’m-”

“Yeah, it’s silly I get it. I know you’ve always hated how I was ‘touchy-feely’ with others and not with you. It’s because you’re you, you know?”

“I’m me?”

“You’re you. I really don’t know how to explain it but I’ll try my best. Because you’re you, even when I’m so much so as in your proximity anyone can tell how I feel about you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“It feels strange.”

“It is strange. To love someone so much that you can’t look at them, it’s a paradox.”

Seonghwa was touched. He was moved.

“I feel bad.”

“About?”

“Never asking you about this and for saying something I shouldn’t have, like an hour ago?”

“If you would have asked, I probably would have given you some awful excuse. So far as saying things we regret goes, I regret saying those things too.”

“You spoke the truth, love.”

“No, you aren’t selfish or inconsiderate. You’re one of the kindest people I know. That’s one of the things I love about you. You’ve got more kindness and compassion to offer in your pinky than most people have in their entire being.”

Seonghwa blushed uncontrollably as Hongjoong spoke. The colour washed away when he replied, “That doesn’t change the fact that I’m naïve.”

“Well…”

“What?”

“You’re rather innocent actually. You do not understand how people look at you, or whether they look at you at all. You exist in a dimension separate from the rest of us; it’s childlike and cute even.”

“I don’t do that though?”

“You do.”

“Even if I did, I know the way people perceive me. I just choose to ignore it. I don’t like being burdened by any expectations they have from me. It’s difficult to not care sometimes, but I try my best.” 

“Oh.”

“And while we’re speaking about separate dimensions, you’re no less. You do not leave your seat for hours on end when you work.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“Now I feel bad.”

“I’m still feeling bad.”

“Why?”

“The only reason I know you get so immersed in your work is that I have watched you work even when you told me you hated it.”

“You were only looking out for me.”

“Yes but I crossed a line there, you were uncomfortable.”

“I warmed up to it though.”

“Did you resent me for it after we broke up?”

Hongjoong gazed at him speechlessly.

“I thought so.”

Hongjoong thought back to the time Seonghwa showed up at his studio with food and stayed to watch him work. Hongjoong hated that his privacy had been invaded but he was secretly grateful. He remembers finishing up and seeing Seonghwa fall asleep in the plastic chair that was close to the door of the studio. It wasn’t meant to accommodate people for long but Seonghwa fell asleep in there, with his neck awkwardly swaying. Seonghwa doesn't even remember but Hongjoong remembers waking him up with a gentle ‘It’s 3 am love,’ and helping him walk back to their place. He even remembers the killer neck ache Seonghwa complained about the next day. The memory felt so warm and lovely amongst all the thoughts he had had about Seonghwa in the past six months.

“Hongjoong?”

He had slipped away and closed his eyes before he could realize it but Seonghwa brought him back. The sun was setting, taking the light away with itself. It was getting dark and Seonghwa’s face was obscure. He touched his face and its every feature as if to memorize it; from the long nose and the sharp chin to the characteristic expressive eyebrows and the usually soft and pink lips that were now bruised. He touched his ears, playing with them, tracing them over and over again, as if it were a treasure map. His hand ran through his hair. Seonghwa couldn’t just sit still as Hongjoong explored him, even serenaded him with his touches. He closed the gap between the two and pecked his lips, taking him by surprise.

Hongjoong instinctively pulled away after a few seconds. As he did so, the forgotten and fading pitter-patter of the rain started to become more ferocious. He noticed Seonghwa sheepishly shift his legs, uncomfortable from sitting criss-cross for too long. He could barely see him but his silhouette was apparent from the faint light in the room.

“Do you want to lay down for a while?” he asked. Seonghwa obliged.

Seonghwa lay down on the almost glacial floor with Hongjoong joining him moments after. Seonghwa pulled him closer and held him like a kitten, careful not to hurt him. Hongjoong leaned into his sides and placed his head on his chest. He could hear his heart beating and it sounded so stressed, picking up the pace. He took his hand and intertwined their fingers. Seonghwa let out a breath he had clearly been holding. Hongjoong paid attention to his heartbeat again: it was a lot slower, music to his ears. Oh, how he could stay like that all day, listening to his ~~lover’s?~~ roommate’s heartbeat, in his gentle grasp. _Utopia._

Hongjoong opened his mouth to say, “I meant the muse thing.” His voice was hoarse. “It wasn’t just a passing comment, you know?” He was practically incoherent due to exhaustion but Seonghwa managed to figure it out.

“I’ve never heard anyone call someone else their muse. It’s very, um how do I put it nicely-”

“Very what?”

“Very ‘paint me like one of your French girls’,” Seonghwa finished, with air-quotes.

“Ouch.”

“I didn’t mean to be condescending! It’s just, I’ve never experienced that level of sincerity from anyone regarding anything.”

There was a pregnant pause before Hongjoong spoke.

“No one’s ever bought me music equipment before.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve received chocolates, roses, teddy bears, and god knows what not. Never music equipment.”

“Is that why you liked me?” Seonghwa said half-serious.

“Yeah!” Hongjoong replied grinning. Of course, that wasn’t true in the very least. They sat their, pensive.

Hongjoong looked back at every ‘have you had lunch yet?’ conversation with Seonghwa, every time he looked at him the way he remembers his parents looking at each other, every time he held his hand when it was too cold, no matter how sweaty his hand got, every time he listened to a song he wrote and gave his unfiltered thoughts on it. Despite none of it being pure bliss, he felt like the protagonist of an indie flick where all ends well. The thing is, he is not the protagonist of an indie flick. Those things end. He certainly doesn’t want one of those.

Seonghwa watched Hongjoong smile absentmindedly, eyes looking away from him but as bright as he’s always known them to be. He pulled Hongjoong closer and for the first time in six months, he wasn’t an island.

Hongjoong’s eyes were struggling to stay open. He had barely had any sleep before he left for work in the morning and hadn’t even taken one of his power naps in the afternoon. Seonghwa’s breath grew unstable. He was shivering. Hongjoong got up to see what caused this but Seonghwa hid his face in his hands and turned away. Hongjoong forced his hand away. His eyes were glassy, his lips were quivering; he was about to cry. Hongjoong helped him sit up and gave him a bear hug. Seonghwa buried his head in Hongjoong’s shoulder. 

Hongjoong patted his back but he showed no signs of calming down. He pushed him away and brought his face closer with his hands. He stared at his slightly snot-covered nostrils and philtrum and his tear-spilling eyes. The light reflected right off of those features and despite how unappealing something that should be, Hongjoong’s heart could not help but skip a damn beat.

“Love, why are you crying?”

“I- I’m not sure.”

Hongjoong was frazzled. He raised his eyebrows. This obviously upset Seonghwa because he looked like he would burst out crying again. He wiped his tears and open his mouth to say-

“I know I’m pathetic, don’t comment on it please,” Seonghwa interjected.

“You aren't pathetic. I don’t know how you’re feeling but I can tell that today has been a little too much. For the both of us.”

Seonghwa nodded. Hongjoong’s heart was pulverizing. He pulled him in for a naïve, close-mouthed kiss.

Hongjoong woke up sweaty and cold. As soon as his eyes fluttered open he got up to see whether Seonghwa was still there. His heart was beating at the speed of light. Fortunately enough, he was right next to him. Seonghwa slept like a baby, unaware of his surroundings and snored lightly. He would not move around yet somehow his hair would be a mess. Not to mention how he was a pretty sleeper. Hongjoong had never had a chance to witness something as pure and pious as this. The sight of his ~~lover~~ roommate sleeping so quietly evoked something primal in him that made him want to hold him and protect him. The barely audible buzzing pitter-patter of the rain grew louder and as it did, Seonghwa started to frown in his sleep. His forehead was tense and taut. It was only moments before he began to gain consciousness. He was pleasantly surprised to find Hongjoong there, holding his sweaty hand, and his face way too close to his.

Not wanting to seem like it affected him at all, Seonghwa took on a nonchalant facade and without a grain of feeling, he said, “Don’t you have work?”

“I called in sick.”

“For me?”

“Eh, I needed a break.”

“So you did do it for me.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did, you loser.”

Hongjoong groaned. “I’m starting to think I don’t need a break.”

They smiled at each other and parted to go wash up.

After some banter and sneaking in a billion kisses they ended up at their small table in their kitchen for a late breakfast. They looked at each other the way two star-crossed lovers on their last day would.

Hongjoong held his hand and spoke in a hushed voice, and Seonghwa was less than calm in his seat; zealous and eager to start afresh.

The sun did not shine half as bright as it did on regular days. The violent rain from last night had bid a solemn and sombre adieu, but it had left its mark on the trees that stood and the bird that chirped and went away.


End file.
